Coaching

Here are my takeaways from the book HBR Guide to Coaching Employees.

• Active listening tactics
  • Notice nonverbal cues.
  • Affirm what you hear (“I hear what you are saying”).
  • Reflect what you see and hear and ask about feelings and deepen your exploration (“You seem worried about …”).
  • Paraphrase what you hear (“If I understand it correctly, your idea is …, Did I get the essence of it?”). If not, please tell me more.”
  • Summarize key themes (“These seem to be your main points… Is that right?”)
• Rule of thumb: Ask more than you tell, aiming for the ratio of 4:1. If you flip the ratio, you are not coaching; you are teaching.
• Teaching is a directive approach where you are instructing and providing answers. On the other hand, coaching is a supportive approach where you are encouraging independence and service as a resource.
• Ways to connect with others and develop trust required for candid exchanges:
  • Noticing and acknowledging others
  • Allowing them to be who they are. When you are yourself in front of them, it will give permission to them to be themselves as well.
  • Encourage conversations
  • Encourage breaks when people are starting to feel stressed.
  • Offer food and drink, which are symbolic forms of nurturing.
  • Fostering impromptu get-togethers instead of parties promote connectedness
• Ask open-ended questions:
  • What else do we learn from what just happened?
  • Where did we go wrong?
  • What are we doing right?
  • What else could we do?
  • What changes could we make to the prototype?
  • What are we spending so much time on this topic?
  • What are we avoiding?
• Recognizing people
  • Recognizing affirms the value of what a person has accomplished.
  • Make people shine by praising and awarding
  • People who shine are motivated, connected, and loyal to the team.
  • They want to keep shining, and they want to help others shine as well.
• Pitfalls of positive feedback and what to do:
  • People do not trust the praise that is given before delivering unpleasant feedback. So instead of giving a spoonful of sugar before the dose of constructive criticism, convey the reason you are having this conversation. e.g. “It’s important that we can be candid and direct with each other so we can work together effectively. I have some concerns to discuss, and I am optimistic that we can resolve them together…”
  • People resent positive feedback that is given to overcome resistance to requests. Instead, motivate people by expanding your persuasive toolkit. A few ways to gain lasting influence are:
    • establish credibility through expertise and work you have done in others’s interest
    • frame goals around common ground and shared advantage
    • support your views with compelling data and examples
    • connect emotionally with people so that they are more receptive to your message
  • Praising people on the wrong thing does not work well as they worry about taking on the next hard task and not looking talented. Instead, praise effort.
• When someone presents you with a problem, ask questions before you advise and follow these guidelines:
  • Avoid questions that invite “yes” or “no” answers, as they stop the conversation instead of making a person reflect deeply.
  • Embrace questions that sound naive, e.g., “What will success look like?” or “What challenges will you face?” These are powerful questions that challenge the other person to think creatively.
• Avoid the following common mistakes when coaching:
  • Do not try to coach others in your own image. Understand that everyone is different; their personality, strengths, weaknesses, interests, goals, and circumstances are different.
  • There is not a special time for coaching, so do not wait for the right time. Make it a practice to coach in the moment.
  • Do not lose your patience, and do not listen to the voice in your head that it will be easy to just tell them what to do. Embrace the idea that coaching is not a quick-fix proposition. Just keep on reminding yourself that you should not expect to see results right away. It will put you in a better frame of mind. Also watch your tone if you feel yourself getting flustered.
  • Do not assume that everyone is coachable, as not everyone is. The person must want to be coached in order for coaching to work. When you discover that the person you are dealing with is not coachable, change your strategy and take a more directive stance. If that does not work either, then maybe that person is not in the right role.
• Coaching stars, steadies, and strugglers:
  • The Stars (A players)
    • Most of the time the stars are often insecure individuals. Praise them genuinely and frequently, focusing on their skills and strengths they value in themselves as they need it.
    • Have a conversation with them about their well-being as they keep raising their own standards and reach the breaking point where the pace of their work is not sustainable.
    • Nudge them to play nicely, as they tend to be hyper-judgmental of their colleagues. Unless you hold them explicitly accountable for teamwork, they may create interpersonal turmoil.
    • You will get much more out of them and less grief if you allow them to savour their accomplishments.
  • The Steadies (B Players)
    • Accept them for who they are and do not try to make them A players, as it will not be a good investment of your time.
    • Acknowledge their efforts as they crave affirmation.
    • Provide them options to grow within their comfort zone. They have a lot to offer, but you have to. make it easy for them.
  • The Strugglers (C players)
    • They drag down their team and sometimes even corrode their co-workers attitude, so try for some time, but do not let them stick around for long if they do not meet the agreed-upon standard.
    • Create a clear improvement plan and document it.
    • Give them candid and critical feedback, as they need to understand where they need to improve.
    • Provide a support network without investing a ton of your time in coaching.
• When a team faces performance issues, avoid assuming they stem from interpersonal conflicts. The performance of a group influences how members interact, rather than the other way around. Therefore, prioritize efforts on enhancing the team’s performance.